Guaranteed eye-rolls

Mom Jokes

Disturbs the grocery list.

Groaners with punchlines. Sticky enough for the fridge.

Open the fridgeWhat's this?

Stuck on the door

12 magnets
  1. How do you know the smoke detector battery is still good?It waits for the first slice of garlic bread to prove it.
  2. What do you call a snow shovel in April?Spring cleaning takes on a whole new meaning when winter refuses to leave.
  3. The birthday cake survived the party — but not the cleanup crew.Somebody sampled the frosting mid-rinse and left evidence on the sponge.
  4. What did the rogue crayon say after it melted in the car?When the backseat becomes a modern art installation you didn't commission.
  5. How does a garden hose know you're already late for practice?It waits until you're backing out, then springs a leak all over the driveway.
  6. My dishwasher has a 'sanitize' cycle I've never used.Turns out it takes four hours and sounds like a jet engine — but the manual says it kills 99.9% of germs.
  7. What do you call a carpool lane when you're the only parent who remembered spirit week?Your kid's wearing pajamas. Every other kid's in the school mascot costume. Awkward doesn't cover it.
  8. Why don't garage door openers ever break during summer vacation?Because they only malfunction when you're late for carpool and it's raining.
  9. The dryer buzzed three times before I got downstairs.Turns out wrinkle-release cycles have opinions about punctuality.
  10. What's the difference between a snow globe and my grandson's backpack?One's meant to collect things you'll never see again.
  11. Told the kids we're having a tech-free dinner tonight.Silence has never been so expensive.
  12. Why did the birthday candles refuse to light?Because they knew the smoke alarm was just waiting for an excuse.