What do you call a smoke detector that stays silent for eleven months?

You know the one. Mounted peacefully on the ceiling, doing absolutely nothing through spring cleaning, summer barbecues, and every actual kitchen mishap.

Then the clock strikes two in the morning, and suddenly it remembers it has a low-battery alert.

Punchline

A very poor timekeeper.

Bonus points if the spare battery drawer contains three dead AAs, a watch battery from 2011, and a warranty card for something you donated years ago.